The feeling of chasing someone that’s clearly is not into you is like an addicting drug. First you’ve gain interest on the subject. Research about it, get fascinated, and entirely be consumed with the thought of it. You started create countless scenarios on your wedding day or your anniversary or even the warm snuggles on a rainy day. Then you’ve gathered enough courage to tell him your feelings but he didn’t feel the same way. You stopped for a while, feeling devastated but the devastation turned into determination. You have to have him. The more he became emotionally unavailable the more interested you have become. Eventually, complaining to your friends on how you’re questioning your self-worth and they’ll console you tell you to stop this addiction. You thank them for realizing he’s not worth it but eventually a text from him will put you back into the downward spiral you’ve created. Words like “He’ll come around and he’ll think of me as a prize..eventually or I’m his last destination he’ll realize that” will always come into your head. Here you are again the adrenaline of the chase it feels like an emotional marathon but the finish line is far from over but you’re enjoying it because you know this all worth it in the end.
Optimistic you are at the outcome.
Then the moment has come; he said he loves you too.
Those words you’ve been wanting to hear has finally came. His devotion for you is uncanny. But suddenly the addiction also stopped like when you’re taking too much cocaine you don’t feel the kick anymore. That’s what happened to you.
When he returned the love, the chase is over and you’re not sure if you wanted it to end. The moment he said those words you lost interest. The scenarios you’ve created in your head has now turned into a reality and you love the idea more than the actual thing. Suddenly you realized you were addicted to the chase but disappointed with the outcome. You even hate the way he gets toothpaste from the tube (you push it at the bottom not at the middle). You’re sorry you really are, you made him think you love him but in fact you’re just confuse and bored you have so much energy you gave it all on him. Now you’re compelled to continue this because the guilt of making someone fall in love with you and realizing you don’t love him back is just a horrible thought, one day you’ll break-up with him but maybe not today.